Thoughts of a lonely daughter...

Father, I'm lonely.
I feel the walls that you (and I ) want to break down
but have a hard time finding the courage I know you have placed deep in me....
confidence in you...in my self... In you in me...in me in You!

I know you are drawing me into your presence through this lonely time....to strengthen me...renew me...all in your presence...

I have ideas of whats holding me back from running into your loving arms...

fear of rejection...I know you created me, I know you love me...I know you have plans for me (although, I only have a very small inkling what they entail,and seemingly nothing to proceed) , I know all this...but I guess I see my self like my coffee cups ...I have several... EVEN THOUGH I've purchased *most of* them,chose *most of*them off the shelf.,and each serves a purpose *albeit,the same purpose*, I still have my favorites. The ones I use most. The ones that are the style I prefer. The ones I would be "more sad" about breaking/losing. There are also the ones that I have that are practical and pretty,but ...just not my preference. Ones I wouldn't miss as much...

Much like us humans.You bought us.You designed us. You chose us. We even have a common purpose...to Glorify you!  I guess I feel like a "practical and pretty" ,not a "favorite" vessel.

I don't see my worth. I guess I'm afraid if I don't see it, others don't ,and will reject me as "worthless". Therefore,I save them the trouble and do it for them.

...Show me that I'm worth something? I know I am in my head,just need to get it into my heart and spirit...

also, with out having a definite purpose...a clear defined vision...a goal... it just seems I'm living day to day and just existing...and adds to the "worthless" thing....

also...some times I wonder If I really know what I'm doing?! I mean, I believe 100% in the stuff I've been trained in and shown, but it's kinda like a baby bird...am I really ready to be pushed outta the nest and forced to fly? I feel like I need some side by side training...not necessarily spoon fed again...just some one to remind me I'm not in this alone...

And I know I'm not...YOU,gracious one, have coveted to never leave me...and you are faithful,through and through...

Goodnight,
I love you!